haven't posted for a while. life has changed a bit as i'm working in a new dept and the pace has upped a touch. it's nice to be busy and learning new things. i hope i manage to hold on to that mindset for a while!

i'm now reading dallas's latest book Renovation of the Heart which is a good read. it's the kind of book that demands a response though, so i am slightly cautious in reading it. having thought about my past, i remember reading The Divine Conspiracy and feeling pretty much the same, but sadly have not put into practice what was written. i suppose i have warmed to the idea, but there is so much more i could do, and being 'warmed' to the idea of the disciplines doesn't make me more disciplined! i'm even struggling to make the baby steps to spend a few minutes more in prayer and study each day. i suppose i'd like to be more inventive and flexible about how i weave these into my daily routines, but it is fits and starts at the moment sadly.

had an interesting conversation about the contents of blogs, and how to 'use' blogs. it's the disclosure thing - it feels good to get things off one's chest, but not everyone need know? so you could have very conceptual blogs, talking in abstract terms about struggles and not getting into particulars. but the more particular you blog, the more people can connect with what you say...

so am i ashamed of who i am? am i too ashamed to admit my character flaws to others?

blimey tom, methinks this may be a little insight into your 'big blue book'. so by doing this, does that mean i gain automatic entry into shouting in the future? or wait, hang on, am i posting onto your blog now??

i get the feeling that this whole blogging thing is taking us into a whole new dimension...

well, my cynical old self was humbled that night. good thing too. something that really made me happy was the evidence that the group had its own voice and identity.

it feels good to have left, it's the right thing. i feel more free to get involved now i don't have a 'title' or a certain standard to live up to. i feel the desire to help out in whatever way possible even more, and now i know my motives are not because i am acting out of a certain capacity of leadership it feels much better.

i came to a realisation (or rather the understanding was given to me) that the interpretation that had been offered to me was correct. what a relief. and now the pieces fit together well, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. the dream is encouraging and enlightening. well, i hope so when i inform the relevant parties.

i think my mum is on to something when she recommends reading the bible out loud. it's different.

i feel i have been plunged into a thicker part of the fighting recently, and have been struggling with specific issues more than usual. i wonder if it can make you physically more tired - because i do feel that way. i guess the next step is to put into practice the right disciplines to make the fight easier - to capture some 'spiritual fitness'.

if we do start blogging frequently, and in discussion mode, i wonder what will happen to rambling entries like these? i guess there could be morsels of discussion in here somewhere, but i would prefer to take the view that the group shares the responsibility for providing themes and conversations, and it never falls to just one individual to spark something all the time.